Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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