Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
