Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
