u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
