I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
