Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
