I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
