It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
