I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
