dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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