I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
