how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
