I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
