im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish you could order shots online.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
