Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
