The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
