So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Shame is for Republicans.
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