Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
