He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
