A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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