And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
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