Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
