god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
