wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
