Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
