she looked like the before picture.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
