I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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