This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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