Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I will die if light touches me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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