checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
