I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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