Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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