you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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