I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
