yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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