so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
