She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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