i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
