Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
