it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
