dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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