I want to have your abortion
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So much rum. So many feels.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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