they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
