I think I won the penis lottery.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
