I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
