I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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