just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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