please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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