If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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