I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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