Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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